[pp.int.general] Board application

[Thijs Markus]

Name & Nicks:

Thijs Markus 'Ikke'

Portrait:

http://i50.tinypic.com/2v3ripu.jpg

Sponsor:

PP Netherlands

PP membership:

PP Netherlands

Qualifications:

Lie that you won't check #1 I hold various PhD's related to core pirate 
policy.
Lie that you won't check #2 I I've held many prestigious elected pirate 
positions because I'm all-competent, awesome and loved, it has nothing 
to do with me being a professional liar or good at deception.
Lie that you won't check #3 I promise not to run for the European 
Elections, thus eliminating any vested interest related to running for 
PPI presidency. This disinterest makes me a good candidate.
Lie that you won't check #4 I I'm not heavily overweight, which means 
that I have a healthy lifestyle. As science points out, healthy people 
are better qualified for board positions.
Lie that you won't check #5 I'm a very active person, constantly 
involving myself in a myriad of projects that you'd find interesting. 
These projects also ensure you think we have similar interests and that 
I might be the sort of guy you'd like to have a beer with.

Truths that are totally irrelevant #1 I'm a great cook.
Truths that are totally irrelevant #2 I'm more intelligent than you. 
That might be relevant though.
Truths that are totally irrelevant #3 Reasonable expertise in history, 
physics, strategic planning, maths, engineering, social sciences, visual 
arts & scifi/fantasy literature.
Truths that are totally irrelevant #4 Although this might be held 
against me, I do not in fact suffer from cluster B personality 
disorders. I know, politics is not for me.
Truths that are totally irrelevant #5 I need the sarcasm not to go 
insane.

That's about it. Worship me as God and your harvests will be plentiful. 
Not like you'd know the difference anyway.

Languages:

Dutch, English, translate.google

Motivation:

The incumbent board sucks. This is no surprise looking at the 
delegates.
Vote me. For prez. It's your only hope. (Well, maybe Obi-Wan Kenobi.)

Honestly, I have no idea why you would vote for me. I might actually be 
inclined to hope you don't, so I can proceed unabashed with being 
critical of this truly amazing organisation. Nonetheless, it's far too 
easy being critical on the sidelines, so I'm giving you [redacted] this 
once in a lifetime opportunity to make me put my money where my mouth 
is.

I solemnly swear that any membership fees levied on the participating 
parties will be spent on hookers and blow in all far corners of the 
world. Video materials of these proceedings will be made available to 
ensure that said parties will not repeat such a grave misallocation of 
resources.

My first action will be resolve the PP-ES/PP-CAT-issue, by having each 
party select a champion for a sabre duel to the death. Should either 
party refuse to partake in these proceedings, they will both be 
excommunicated. Video materials as per usual. This will be our default 
conflict resolution untill such a distant event occurs as the 
reformation of a CoA.

Oh, yes, and Gregory will be locked up in a basement with the paperwork 
and fed through a hole in the ceiling. We might be able to generate ad 
revenue from a webcam stream and an unsecured, browser-based voting 
system giving him tasks.

Now that we have the important matters out of the way, I'd like to 
spend a minute on some trivialities we need to address.

-I'll institute a pirate inquisition eliminating all the heathen 
politicians amongst our midst. As history has shown us, there is a 
causal relationship between the amount of would-be politicians in 
executive functions and the amount of work being done. Besides, you 
elect me to talk bullshit and that will be quite enough, I assure you.
-Shared knowledge base: we're not really adding much to one another's 
efforts as is; therefore it is important that a knowledge center is 
erected from which each party can draw knowledge and experts as 
required.
-Mobile online reserves: no party is constantly campagining, and in the 
downtime between elections it is my experience that parties tend to 
peter out in activity. On a global scale however, there is never a rest, 
and we should use the local elections of parties to keep activity going 
in other parties as well as supporting local election campaigns. If 
nothing else, the transfer of knowledge that's cultivated will be 
invaluable.
-Regional collaboration: each continent or culturally linked group of 
countries has a number of issues and agreements that address only their 
own issues, and for these groups we should have an in between layer 
between national and worldwide. These layers can in turn act as a check 
and balance for the power of the global board.
-Board selection procedure & routines: We need to have an organisation 
which tests the members of the board-to-be in actual activities so we 
can measure their competence and dedication, and choose accordingly - 
this will also allow the delegates to make an informed decision for a 
change.
-No member of my board will ever enter into public relations affairs on 
behalf of PPI. This should be dealt with locally as much as possible to 
maximize the exposure of local parties and where this is not an option 
we put in people that we wish to maximise in exposure for other reasons. 
Not the people actually doing things.

Disclaimer: no rights might be obtained from these empty campaign 
promises.

Contact data:

Mail: Ikke (shift2) piratenpartij.nl
IRC: Ikke
Other: If you need to ask, I dont know you.